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the last word they breath before the end will be my name
Divide & Conquer, A Michael/Nikita/Alex Fanmix 
7th-Apr-2011 11:34 pm
Subject: Nikita/Michael/Alexandra
Title: Divide & Conquer
Warnings: Profanity, Some Mature Content.
Notes: A three volume fanmix dedicated to my three favorite characters of the show. Featuring TV On The Radio, Radiohead, Massive Attack, Staind, Mazzy Star, and more!

Author's Note: I will have you all know that I worked quite hard on this and that I now have a migraine from jumping between characters. Lord, I need an aspirin. I hope you enjoy.

Wolf Like Me by T.V. On The Radio

Got a curse we cannot lift / Shines when the sunshine shifts / There's a curse comes with a kiss / The bite that binds the gift that gives.

Everywhere he goes he searches for her. The crowded subway cars full of people, all strange and wild even when they are confined to their suits and ties. He searches for her on the streets at night with hands shoved into the pockets of his leather coat, brow furrowed in concentration.

He prowls the urban prison like a caged wolf at a zoo; searches for exits where there are only entryways. It is difficult, this life...one wolf hunting for another. She had never been able to elude him this well before but perhaps that was because she allowed him to follow her.

Everywhere he goes he searches for her and feels her watching him, a guardian angel with a gun. A wolf with winged feet...untouchable.

Outside by Staind

And I feel all this pain / Stuffed it down, it's back again / And I lie / Here in bed / All alone / I can't mend.

The bullet hole that breathes in his left shoulder keeps him awake at night. It whispers and screams like a wind tunnel and will not let him rest, it speaks the names of the beloved deceased every time his chest rises and when it falls it snarls the name of their killer. Nikita has always had a way of re-opening old wounds with her clever little fingers.

She convinces him that he needs her help and he doesn't question her because he misses this. She was a wild child when he first met her, instinct and unpredictable blood screaming through her veins. Words like unstoppable, phrases like poetry in motion, they all applied if her name was used in the same sentence.

And now when he dreams she is there. A slender hand cupped against his bruised cheek, an act of tenderness never allowed in waking hours. Even in his dreams he wants to kiss her but she turns her head away and stabs the wound in his shoulder with a knowing finger.

"Will you ever forgive me?
" The raw whisper from his dreaming throat grates his ear.

"I don't know," Her answer is wistful and she will not look him in the eye, "The last time I trusted you, you betrayed me. Shot me clear out of the sky, blew me out of the water."

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are, but those things are hard to forget, Michael."

Into the Fire by Thirteen Senses

Put your hand into the fire / Explain, explain / As I turn and meet the power / This time, this time / Turning white and senses dire / Pull up, pull up / From one extreme to another.

In another life this would not have been a hard decision to make. He has a gun to her head and she is staring calmly into his eyes, she is too proud to beg and refuses to plead. Percy is watching from a safe distance like the emperors watched their gladiators, thumbs up she lives and thumbs down well...

The call has been made and he knows what he's supposed to do but he hates it. She is forcing him to do this, forcing a decision on him that he was not ready to make. For years he let himself live in ignorance, let himself believe that Percy had his best interests at heart.

"Don't make me do this." He can feel his hand start to shake, his lips twisting at the horrible unfairness of it all.

She doesn't flinch, presses closer to the gun and tries to tell him it's okay.

"I can't..." Tears strangle his throat and burn like acid at his eyes.

"You have to."

Time Is Running Out by Muse

And our time is running out / Our time is running out / You can't push it underground / You can't stop it screaming out.

She slams him against the wall, head cracking against plaster. Her eyes are angry, intense and are demanding something from him but he cannot for the life of him what she wants. His hands white knuckle against her upper arms, undecided as to whether or not he should throw her from him or tug her closer.

"Michael..." The smooth skin of her tawny cheek was glistening.

"Nikita, are you..." Cut off with surgical precision her lips are like razor blades biting into his own. He can feel her tears on his face but she clutches at him and he's caught in her flytrap. He holds her as close as she'll let him, writhing to break free or bury herself further he can't tell.

In the morning he wakes up to tangled limbs and her thick hair sprawled out like a banner on his chest. Last night on earth, last night together, last of everything. Their time was running out, and they'd spend their last day in bed as the world burned around them.

Don't Panic by Coldplay

Oh, we're sinking like stones / All that we fought for / All those places we've gone / All of us are done for.

"Nikita!" He tries to warn her, he runs faster.

His hand reaches for his gun, her hair spins as she turns her head toward the sound of his voice. Her eyes widen as she notices the glint of a sniper rifle.

She runs, he screams and she falls forward as blood sprays from her back. Sliding down to the concrete he feels the fabric of his pants tear at the knees as he drags her behind a car, holding her to his chest.

"Stay awake, stay awake, Nikita? Nikita please..."


Move by Sol Seppy

Are you waiting for somebody else to move / Don't you know in your heart is the power to change everything?

She lifts weights, she beats the shit out of the placid faces of the human punching bags. Alex looks at her stainless steel surroundings, at her comrades all dressed just like her. All of them are doing the same thing, all of them are robots and she is one of them. There is no individuality here.

One of the guards comes walking toward her, air of self-importance and condescension. Her eyes pin him with judgment and a knowing smile. You're just a prisoner down here like the rest of us, you have no more power than we do.

"Amanda would like to see you."

Amanda the shark. It wouldn't surprise her if she was in fact the biblical Delilah, some devious creature with snake eyes and a cold smile. She wants me to reach my full potential, what a joke. She walks with the guard and breaks away, turning the corner as she walks into the den of the lioness. Amanda is the only one here that really frightens her, Nikita warned her that she was one of the worst ones.

She can't change me. I am a glacier, I move at my own pace.

All Around Me by Flyleaf

I can feel you all around me / Thickening the air I'm breathing / Holding on to what I'm feeling / Savoring this heart that's healing.

She still dreams about him sometimes. Thom. He visits with her at her new apartment, he touches her shoulder when she's inside the rat maze of Division. He is with her everywhere and right before she wakes up it is always the same, the blood bleeding through his shirt and his halfhearted smile.

Sometimes they talk about the good ol' days when she was first recruited, sometimes they pick apart the reasons behind their first kiss.

"I'll never be able to tell you enough how sorry I am..."

His hand covers hers and then passes through it and his lips twitch, eyes dark and sad.

"I get it, Alex...I would have done the same thing."

"No, no you wouldn't have."

He smiles at being caught in a lie and a tear slips down her cheek. She both loves and hates these dreams, Nikita did not know about them and probably never would.

"You saved my life while we were down there, Thom. You helped me work my way through everything. You helped me start to heal myself."

He tries to touch her cheek but once again he cannot and he sighs, "Just don't let it all be for nothing, Alex. I'm a figment of your imagination, I can only do so much."

Honeythief by Halou

Sometimes I doubt the path I chose / Sometimes my dreams feel all on hold / There's no doubt that this will make me strong / Because it's the hardest thing I've ever done.

She watches him, appreciates the way he looks out for all of them. Especially her and she believes she may know why that is. She reminds him of Nikita, the infamous 'one who got away.' She does not see the similarities between them at all although many people like to compare them. Even though she admires Nikita greatly (she would have to, doing what she was doing now) she has come to admire Michael a great deal.

Alex has to hold her tongue sometimes when she speaks with Nikita, curious as to the logistics of their strange relationship. It is something that is off-limits and uncomfortable. She puts in her time at Division, trying to mold herself into the perfect drone solider and all the while she feels Michael watching.

He is one of two guardian angels, he is perfectly flawed. He protects what he cares about fiercely, he stands up for what he believes in and he goes behind his Master's back. He is beginning to question his motives, Nikita would be thrilled. No wonder she loved him.

Sometimes Alex wondered whether or not Nikita had seen this sameness the two of them apparently shared, if that was why she chose her. If she wanted to hurt Michael or at least remind him that she still existed in some capacity.

Teardrop by Civil Twilight

Love, love is a verb / Love is a doing word / Feather's on my breath / Gentle impulsion / Shakes me makes me lighter / Feather's on my breath.

She loves Nikita for what she has done for her. Picked her up, dusted her off, and forced her to come clean off the drugs. The vile candy poison that she had used to shut herself off from remembering certain things. Nikita had given her power and a purpose.

She is a Valkyrie now, exacting vengeance on a corrupt government institution. Alexandra Udinov may be her father's daughter but she is not her father. She is beginning to understand why he did those things, why he taught her what he did and she loves him. Today she is standing on a balcony in a restaurant where the upper echelons of society gather to stroke egos and feed their need for extravagance.

She is here on a mission, a foreign dignitary is her target. For now she'll just pretend that she is a girl on a balcony with the wind whispering across her cheek, the smell of wine and laughter floating through the air.

Michael watches through his binoculars and swears he sees a tear roll down her cheek before she assembles her gun and takes aim.

Ultranumb by Blue Stahli

One confession is such perfection / Your sweet repression can't hide who you really are / Say you love it / Say you hate it / Doesn't matter 'cause you're all the same.

She grunts as a closed fist finds her rib and cracks it, pain and breath knocked in and out of her all at once. Alex drops and uses one of her arms as leverage as a booted foot lashes out to catch her attacker in the back of the knee. An OOMPH! is pushed from him and he stumbles, trying to catch himself against a wall.

Her ribs aflame she straightened and pounced a fist cracking against the man's jaw. He swipes at her, a hand the size of a trash can lid closes around her throat and through her choking she starts to laugh.

Confusion marks the giant's face and she manages to wheeze out, "Eee-dee nah hooy!"

He snarls as she tugs a knife from its sheath and shoves it into his heart.

She drops to the floor, gasping. Numb.


Paradise Circus by Massive Attack

It's unfortunate that when we feel a storm / We can roll ourselves over 'cause we're uncomfortable / Oh well the devil makes us sin / But we like it when we're spinning, in his grin.

She trails a hand over his skin, feels the day-old stubble on his cheek and the fever that has wracked his body for nearly a week. They are on assignment in Germany and she swears that the slums they are currently holed up in are the reason behind this illness. He tosses and turns in his restless sleep and he mumbles names she has never heard of but are spoken with such reverence and despair that she knows that they are now dead.

He cries sometimes, and sometimes she has to hold her hand over his mouth to stop his screaming. Nikita folds her body around him at night and he seems to quieten. She does not sleep, staring at the cracked ceiling she slowly recounts all of her kills. A past-time that was "'not healthy'" as Amanda had chided.

She feels her sins pile up, weighty stones that come to fall on her chest and she wonders when it will be enough.

His fever breaks in the morning.

Come Back When You Can by Barcelona

You left your home / You're so far from / Everything you know / Your big dream is / Crashing down and out your door / Wake up and dream once more.

She touches the cold headstone, the scar over her heart tearing just a little as she reads the marker. Division would love to think they had all their bases covered, she knew they had been waiting for her to come to this place. Thinking that perhaps if she showed up that would mean she had given up at long last.

Finger tips trace the letters, a wan smile on her lips.

"All those things we had planned...I'm sorry Daniel. I'm sorry for getting you involved in this and I'm sorry for what I'm about to do."

She turns away, setting up her decoy before she leaves.

There's a war starting today.

Heart Attack by Low vs. Diamond

All you pretty people stand there / Blood under your nails / Doing nothing, saying something / Never seems to fail.

One by one everyone in the house is slaughtered. The fire licks at the dead man's feet and Nikita takes a hard swallow, the smell of burning flesh just beginning to suffuse the air. She retreats down the stairs and out of the house, gulping fresh air to hold down the vomit that is rising her throat.

This shit has never bothered her before. Never. Licking her lips she circles around the house as ordered when she hears a noise coming from her left side. Gun raised she sees a cellar door. The most beautiful word in the human language is cellar door.

Curious, she yanks it open and to her surprise the target's daughter is standing there. Ash smeared across her face and her hair singed at the ends, tears make tracks down her cheeks and there is anger and fear in her eyes. For some reason in that moment something broke inside Nikita. For some reason she felt this need to protect this girl and so she took her.

Gave her to a man and felt that someday, because of her actions this night, Alexandra Udinov would cross her path again.

You And Whose Army? by Radiohead

Come on, come on / You think you drive me crazy / Come on, come on / You and whose army?

She is a soldier now, no longer an orphan girl. No longer a butterfly pinned to a shadow box, she looks in the mirror every morning and sees a stranger. She is cold now, and she is sure that if someone touched her they would turn into an ice statue.

She undresses without ceremony, inspects her body and sees the tattoos. Sees the scars and traces them with her finger tips. Turning the shower knob she watches as the steam slowly begins to roll out past the sliding door. She steps inside and slowly sinks to the ground, head bent forward and arms wrapped around her legs.

She had Percy in her sights the other day and she had not taken the shot. Why hadn't she taken the shot?

Because you want to be up close and personal when you take the kill shot, her mind answers, because you want to torture him. Pin him to the table in his war room and make him scream and cry for all the bad things he turned you into, all the bad things he made you do. For having Daniel killed.

She soaks in the steam, hands balling into fists.

"I know how this is going to end."

Into Dust by Mazzy Star

A round broken in two / Till your eyes shed into dust / Like two strangers turning into dust / Till my hand shook the way I fear.

Driving away in a fast car she holds a hand over her abdomen to disguise the crimson blossoming. It begins to creep through her finger tips and she sees Michael's eyes darting back and forth to the road and her stomach and then he meets her eyes.


She shakes her head, a wild grin running across her face, she has to collect herself to keep the panting from her voice, "Just keep driving, I'll be okay."

She stares intently at his face, ignoring the pain that unfurls like a blossoming flower at every pothole in the road. She grits her teeth and keeps watching him because fuck, if she dies in this damned car in the middle of the damned desert she wants her last glimpse of life to be Michael's face.

A bloodied hand leaves her stomach and touches his cheek but she can't seem to say the words that she wants to say. Before her hand retreats he grabs it and kisses the unbloodied portion and looks at her and right before she blacks out she knows that he knows.

And that is enough.



8th-Apr-2011 05:05 am (UTC)
*does a double-take*


Okay, um wow. So I had thought that this was only gonna be music and lyrics and pretty graphics, and I'm also procrastinating on an assignment that's due in like, less than 9 hours, but then I came across this and OH. MY. GOSH.

*is still in a bit of shock* I don't know if you've ever written for Nikita before, but in any case, you HAVE TO NOW. PLEASE. I just..........wow. You write beautifully, and I have to say that I envy you, not only for how well you write but the graphics that you make. They're stunning!

And after looking at some of your entries and whatnot, you and I have a few things in common. Would you mind if I friend you??
8th-Apr-2011 05:14 am (UTC)
Thank you, m'dear! This thing gave me such a headache, I'm glad someone likes it!

I have actually never written any fanfiction for Nikita before but I've been entertaining the idea of working on some once I finish a Vampire Diaries chapter for a fic I haven't updated in a while.

I wouldn't mind if you friended me at all :)
8th-Apr-2011 05:22 am (UTC)
awww, why did it give you such a headache? and of course I like it, I LOVE the show!

oh wow! that surprises me that you've not written any fanfiction for Nikita before because you seem to have no problem writing the characters at all. A lot of people write them out of character and it drives me insane. I look forward to reading your fanfiction when you write and post it. :)

:) Friended!
8th-Apr-2011 05:34 am (UTC)
I haven't had a lot of time to do much of my usual crazy fandom duties like fics or mixes so I have taken out all my real life frustrations on my computer. Watching sad movies didn't help either, if anyone is ever in for a good cry fest they should watch The Interpreter and The Constant Gardner.

I'll make sure to let you know when I complete my first one, my free time is going to be expanding so I hope I can do some writing. :)
8th-Apr-2011 05:22 am (UTC)
This was a fantastic multi-media series. Bravo on assembling it. Its smashing. You did a great job with the writing, track list, cover art, and posting format. Thanks for posting it. DLing for sure. :D
8th-Apr-2011 05:35 am (UTC)
Thank you! Now, if only I could vid worth a damn! Haha, I'll figure out that confusing mess someday!
8th-Apr-2011 07:29 pm (UTC)
This is just so amazing. Songs, stories, art...
8th-Apr-2011 08:51 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
9th-May-2013 08:38 pm (UTC)
9th-May-2013 08:40 pm (UTC)
Alrighty then, haha it sent before i finished the comment.

These look fucking amazing, dying to listen. Any chance you could re upload the links??
:( They dont work anymore...
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